I wish I was still in limbo and talking to you every day. I know I don’t mean that. But right now, I wish I didn’t tell you I liked you. I just wish I kept things the way they are. Damn impatience. I don’t think it’s going to change when we’re back at school. I think you don’t like me. I think I changed things forever. Blah.
That’s it. I just feel kind of empty today. I miss being surrounded by the people I didn’t realize that I needed to function. I feel useless and crappy about myself. I can’t do another week and a half of feeling useless and awful. I hate that I miss you so much. I don’t want to. You clearly aren’t concerned about missing me, and it’s fine. I’m not complaining that you don’t like me. I’m just jealous that you’re more than fine, and I’m mad at myself for letting you in too fast. You were the smart one. I was stupid. I tried not to be my stubborn and self loathing usual self, but that backfired. I just feel empty again. I didn’t want to have to miss someone this much again. And it kills me that you’re not even that far away.
Don’t protect me. Just let me in. I’m finally at a place in my life where I’m ready to let someone in, not just someone, you. I want to let you in. Here I am. Here you are. I know the timing’s not perfect, and I know I’m not perfect for you and you’re not perfect for me. But who cares? Just let me see what this is. This might be really great, but you have to give me a chance. And I’m willing to take a chance, too. So I wish you would see how hard this is for me to be ready for this. You make me better. At the end of the day, you make me happier and better and more me than I have been in a long time. So please, listen to me.
Bahhahaflds;alfjads;lfjds;lfjdsa;kf;as.
Today i wish I was a different person.
So I’m really okay with us not being a thing, it was too good to be true anyway. I’m really alright, but I just don’t get how you go from being as sweet and perfect as you were to out of sight out of mind. It’s the first day I haven’t talked to you in probably a month. I guess this was more in my head than I expected. It’s amazing how much changes in a week for no apparent reason.
For all the thoughts I can't seem to admit are my own.
